DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mom can't acknowledge the realities of my life. My husband misplaced his job 4 years in the past; we eke by with considerate spending and renting out our visitor room.
I work extra time every time I can, so we are able to have little luxuries like a streaming service subscription and high quality meals for our pets.
My mom is absolutely conscious of our state of affairs, and although she has given us money previously, she prefers to purchase me garments for “stepping out.” These garments are undoubtedly extra her style than mine (plus, she is aware of we by no means exit). She features a reward receipt so the garments could be returned, however typically just for a present card at a retailer I'd usually by no means store at as a result of they don’t carry something I want.
Returning the garments includes spending hours of my scarce free time taking a bus (we don’t have a automotive), hauling awkward bins after which scouring the shop for tactics to spend the credit score. All of the whereas, I’m considering, “That might have purchased a month’s price of groceries, or paid the vet invoice.”
Gifting these garments permits my mom to dwell in a fantasy the place her youngster has a vibrant, cosmopolitan way of life as an alternative of the much less glamorous actuality.
Of all of the complaints between youngster and guardian, this appears very minor. However her denial of our state of affairs makes me really feel unseen, unheard, and that I embarrass her.
Is there a sort strategy to talk that her items are a burden? And that probably the most welcome reward from a more comfortable and well-meaning mom is to ship money?
GENTLE READER: Is it perhaps simply doable that relatively than disgrace you, your mom is attempting to provide you these small luxuries as a result of she is aware of you wouldn't take pleasure in them your self?
That's, in spite of everything, what presents normally are — not taunts and humiliation over a life she deems clearly out of your attain.
What you might be suggesting as an alternative is that she offer you monetary assist. If you wish to ask for that, Miss Manners wouldn't stand in your method. However she does take objection to ascribing unkind motives to innocently given presents, irrespective of how unusable and misguided these presents could also be.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm invited to a sixtieth party for twin sisters, however I solely know considered one of them. Ought to I deliver items for each or simply the one I do know?
GENTLE READER: For twins beneath 12, bringing a gift for each of them to share can be a gracious factor to do.
However at 60, until the 2 sisters dwell collectively, it's now not sensible or age-appropriate. Miss Manners subsequently condones bringing solely a gift for the sister you realize, with the presumption that the opposite sister’s friends will choose up the slack.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do you retain one hand beneath the desk if you’re consuming?
GENTLE READER: In order that it might preserve watch in your wandering elbow.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.