DEAR ABBY: With the vacations approaching, I'm beginning to turn into anxious.
I've a member of the family who ruins each vacation she doesn’t have management over. (She excludes some relations.) My kids and grandchildren don’t wish to affiliate together with her however attend vacation occasions at her dwelling to maintain the peace.
If I host the vacation, everyone seems to be included. However I’m getting older, and even with my kids’s assist, it’s tough for me. My husband and I've thought of occurring trip simply to get away from this specific relative, however then we don’t get to spend the vacations with the remainder of our massive prolonged household.
This girl has ruined our holidays for nearly 40 years. I can’t take it anymore!
Please inform me what to do.
DREADS HOLIDAYS IN FLORIDA
DEAR DREADS: I've a suggestion, if you're open to it. Since you wish to spend time celebrating along with your grownup kids, do it earlier than or after Thanksgiving and Christmas this yr.
Make it a “nuclear household” gathering. No rule says you have to get collectively on a selected day. See your prolonged relations one other time.
For those who decide to do that, it might relieve the stress you are actually experiencing. And another thought: Take that trip along with your husband that you've got been contemplating. You each deserve it.
P.S. In case you are requested why you aren’t having your regular massive bash this yr, be sincere. For those who say you're older now and it has turn into an excessive amount of for you, in years to come back somebody might decide up the place you left off.
DEAR ABBY: How ought to somebody reply when requested, “How previous are you?”
I attempt to politely joke about it and say one thing like, “A girl by no means tells.” However typically individuals are so persistent they gained’t let it go.
The most typical response from them is, “I don’t thoughts telling you my age.” I often reply with, “I don’t care what your age is.”
I discover the query intrusive and, frankly, impolite, particularly when it’s requested in entrance of different individuals. Generally that is adopted by guessing my age.
When did it turn into acceptable to ask somebody — who is clearly older — their age?
My thought is if you happen to take heed to issues I speak about, the music I grew up with and the way I speak about retirement, you need to be capable to work out my age.
Please advise.
AGELESS LADY IN WASHINGTON
DEAR AGELESS: Do this: When somebody asks that query, reply by asking, “Why do you need to know?” and let the questioner clarify why they want that data.
When the individual is completed speaking, say: “Effectively, my age is just not your small business, and please don’t ask me once more.”
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.