A voice had echoed by means of Leann Toomey’s head for 14 years, greater than half her life.
Toomey started to listen to it inside days of her arrival on the College of California campus within the fall of 2004 prepared to satisfy her dream of swimming for the Golden Bears’ world-renowned head coach Teri McKeever.
Earlier than lengthy, it appeared just like the voice was all she heard, in individual at first: McKeever berating her, bullying her, Toomey alleged. at apply, at competitions, in conferences. After which she heard it on a regular basis – an infinite 24/7 loop of McKeever’s f-bombs, physique shaming, the deeply private mocking, taunting, belittling, screaming, threatening, the soundtrack of the nightmare that saved her up most nights dreading the subsequent morning’s apply.
Toomey heard it on the pool. She heard it and its chilly indifference, Toomey stated, after she was raped. She heard it when she struggled. She heard it at the same time as she earned NCAA All-American honors. And she or he heard it on the way in which to apply or class as she questioned if she ought to simply step in entrance of a bus and finish all of it.
“I saved considering it might be really easy,” she stated.
Even after Toomey left Berkeley, two time zones between her and her former coach, the voice roared on in her head, haunting her, persevering with to sow doubt, persevering with to make her query herself. She heard it when she struggled to develop relationships. She heard it when she confronted main selections. It despatched a panic by means of her each time she was summoned by a boss or co-worker.
“Each time somebody stated, ‘Leann, I want you to cease by my workplace,’ my first thought was, ‘Am I about to get fired?’”
On Dec. 5, 2018, Toomey determined she had heard sufficient.
So she swallowed a bottle of drugs “as a result of I wished it to cease.”
She remembers considering, “I’m by no means coming again,” and fading from consciousness, after which coming to sufficient to name a hospital.
The voice additionally survived.
“That voice that creates all this doubt in you, I named it ‘Teri,’” Toomey stated. “That unfavorable voice in my mind has her identify.”
Toomey is one in all 17 girls who competed for the Cal girls’s swimming and diving staff from 1999 to 2014 who in interviews with the Southern California Information Group over the previous three weeks allege they have been bullied frequently by McKeever, one of the profitable coaches within the sport’s historical past.
The previous swimmers and divers, their allegations corroborated by dad and mom, former teammates, two former Cal coaches, in addition to emails and college paperwork, present essentially the most full portrait to this point of the size and extent of McKeever’s alleged bullying; a virtually quarter-century of Golden Bears athletes being verbally and emotionally abused on nearly a day by day foundation whereas officers on the nation’s most prestigious public college both ignored or didn't successfully act on repeated complaints and indicators of misconduct.
Particularly, the previous athletes expressed frustration at what they describe because the college’s repeated failure to self-discipline or hearth McKeever, which has led to years of continued verbal and emotional abuse of dozens of younger girls, leading to psychological well being points most of the girls battle with to this present day.
“She must be out of the swimming world,” stated Lindsey (King) Loncaric, who swam at Cal in the course of the 2006-7 season. “I don’t care what it says on her resume. She treats folks terribly.”
The previous swimmers additionally joined the rising variety of present and former Golden Bears athletes and their dad and mom and supporters calling for the firing of Cal athletic director Jim Knowlton and senior affiliate AD Jennifer Simon-O’Neill, a longtime pal of McKeever’s who till not too long ago had direct oversight of the ladies’s swimming and diving program.
The swimmers and divers from 1999 to 2014 are particularly incensed that McKeever was allowed on the Cal pool deck for a morning apply the day after the preliminary SCNG report was printed and per week after athletic division officers have been first apprised of the allegations uncovered by the newspaper.
To this point 35 present or former Cal swimmers and divers, 17 dad and mom, a former member of the Goldens Bears’ males’s swimming and diving squad, and 4 former Cal athletic division staff have informed the SCNG how McKeever routinely bullied swimmers, usually in deeply private phrases, or used embarrassing or traumatic experiences from their previous in opposition to them, used racial epithets, body-shamed and pressured athletes to compete or prepare whereas injured or coping with power sicknesses or consuming issues, even accusing some girls of mendacity about their circumstances regardless of being supplied medical data by them.
The affect of McKeever’s alleged bullying, stated a lady who swam at Cal from 2006 to 2010, “is one thing that has lived with me and nonetheless does.
“Teri would choose on two or three swimmers each season that have been her targets. And each single day, each single apply, she would do one thing to abuse them. I used to be a kind of targets.”
One other former swimmer described her time swimming for McKeever as driving a “poisonous curler coaster.”
In response to an SCNG report on Might 24 detailing her alleged bullying of swimmers who competed for Cal from the 2013-14 season to the latest season, the college positioned McKeever, the 2012 U.S. Olympic girls’s staff head coach, on paid administrative go away, and commissioned a Los Angeles-based regulation agency to conduct an investigation into the allegations. The probe will probably be overseen by the college’s human assets workplace.
The U.S. Middle for SafeSport additionally launched an investigation of McKeever following the preliminary SCNG studies.
USA Swimming, the game’s nationwide governing physique, was made conscious of allegations of McKeever’s bullying in 2015 however named her to the 2019 World Championships teaching workers and that very same yr elected her as chair of the group’s nationwide staff steering committee and its consultant on USA Swimming’s board of administrators.
McKeever, contacted by phone Thursday, declined to remark.
“Sorry, I’m not going to have the ability to converse to you,” she stated.
Present and former Cal swimmers and their dad and mom stated they're skeptical about each the university-commissioned and U.S. Middle for SafeSport investigations. Interviews and paperwork obtained by SCNG present that swimmers and their dad and mom repeatedly complained to athletic division and college officers from least as early as 2010. These complaints have been both ignored or resulted in McKeever being reminded of college insurance policies, in keeping with the swimmers, their dad and mom and Cal paperwork.
Then-Cal chancellor Robert Joseph Birgeneau and Sandy Barbour, the college’s athletic director on the time, have been made conscious in 2010 of verbal abuse and harassment allegations in opposition to McKeever relationship again to 2001, in keeping with letters and emails. In a Jan. 13, 2010 letter to Birgeneau, Jenna Rais, who swam for Cal between 2001 and 2005, stated she was verbally abused by McKeever. Neither Birgeneau nor anybody in his workplace responded to her complaints about McKeever, Rais stated.
Dan Mogulof, Cal’s assistant vice chancellor stated the college was unable to remark for this report due to “stringent legal guidelines and campus insurance policies” relating to personnel, privateness and due course of.
“We will solely reiterate our deep concern about what our pupil athletes are reporting,” Mogulof stated. “Nothing is extra essential to the college than the protection and well-being of our college students and it's that dedication that's guiding and informing how we're responding to all that's being reported.
“An investigation is now being carried out into these severe and disturbing allegations which can be antithetical to our values and insurance policies.”
Sophia Batchelor, who was an NCAA qualifier for Cal in the course of the 2013-2014 season and swam for New Zealand at two World Championships, recalled organising a gathering with Simon-O’Neill in October 2014 to debate McKeever’s alleged bullying of the swimmer, in keeping with Batchelor and a sequence of emails associated to the assembly.
Three former Cal swimmers have confirmed that Batchelor was a daily goal of McKeever’s bullying.
“It was at Jenny’s workplace, I didn’t know Teri was going to be there,” Batchelor stated of the assembly. “They have been each there already after I arrived
“It was like I used to be speaking to a stone wall. Teri spoke within the assembly greater than Jenny did. I ask in an electronic mail (to Simon-O’Neill and one other athletic division worker) if there was something I wanted to arrange or carry, and early on I requested if I may have another person within the assembly with me. They stated no.
“Teri increase her voice a number of occasions and stated that I at all times had an excuse and that she didn’t suppose something I stated was true.
“Teri went off at me instantly in the course of the assembly. I spent numerous it crying.”
Batchelor transferred to Florida.
Because the first SCNG report Might 24, the college has shifted direct supervision of the ladies’s swimming program from Simon-O’Neill to 2 different athletic division officers, in keeping with an individual accustomed to the scenario.
The Cal swimmers from the 1999-2014 interval stated their time with McKeever has left them with deep scars, each bodily and mentally. A number of stated they're unable to select up their kids or train due to the long-term results of accidents McKeever pressured them to coach or compete by means of. Lots of the former swimmers acknowledged that they proceed to endure from consuming issues or anxiousness and despair associated to their time at Cal. Most stated they've spent hundreds of dollars on years of remedy.
Lots of the girls stated they now not comply with a sport that was as soon as their obsession, or that they're unable to look at it on tv in the course of the Olympic Video games due to the painful recollections viewing would set off. Only a few of the ladies have swam since leaving Berkeley.
“Teri ruined the game for me,” stated a lady, who swam for Cal between 2000 and 2002. “I haven’t swam for 20 years.”
Amongst quite a few frequent themes that emerge from the interviews is the idea held by nearly all the girls after they left Cal that they, not McKeever, have been the issue. It has taken them years, the ladies stated, to return to the conclusion that they have been actually victims of abuse, a few of them saying they didn't attain that conclusion till studying the primary SCNG report on McKeever.
“For years I assumed I used to be the issue,” Loncaric stated. “I used to be the failure. I made excuses for her. No, I used to be not the issue and it took me years to comprehend that.
“Teri places you in such a darkish place. She actually crushed me and crushed me for a very long time.”
McKeever promised the ladies throughout their recruitment that her door would at all times be open to them in the event that they got here to Cal, the swimmers and their dad and mom stated.
As an alternative, the previous swimmers stated, she hardly ever, if ever, provided them encouragement or steerage.
“There’s numerous gaslighting,” stated an All-American who swam for Cal within the 2000s. “Teri at all times stated throughout recruiting you may come speak to me anytime and then you definately get there and she or he’s screaming at you on a regular basis.
A number of of the ladies recalled being berated by McKeever after they requested her for technical or coaching recommendation.
Loncaric recalled struggling along with her stroke as a freshman and approaching McKeever for her perception.
“She stated I didn’t need to have her opinion about my stroke,” Loncaric stated. “Principally, I hadn’t earned the best to have her opinion. Actually from then on, I turned a goal. It was, ‘How dare you speak to me?’ As an alternative of a grace interval, she tore into me.”
‘Go to Mo when you have an issue’
As an alternative of providing help to Cal swimmers who have been going through tutorial, housing, monetary or household points, McKeever inspired the athletes to talk with Mohamed Muqtar, Cal’s assistant athletic director for pupil companies, the swimmers and their dad and mom stated.
Muqtar in flip used their vulnerability to sexually harass them, in keeping with allegations from swimmers, complaints to college officers, a faculty investigation and court docket filings.
“Teri at all times stated go to Mo when you have an issue,” stated Erin (Calder) Coffman, an NCAA qualifier who swam at Cal from 2001-2005.
Muqtar, the swimmers stated, recurrently watched the staff apply from both a window above the pool or on the precise pool deck the place he appeared to have entry earlier than, throughout and after coaching.
The previous swimmers stated Muqtar turned a prepared sounding board or shoulder to cry on for athletes allegedly bullied and abused by McKeever.
“He would come on the pool deck a number of occasions per week,” stated a former Golden Bears All-American, who swam from 2000 to 2003. “He at all times made us suppose he was your finest pal.”
A girl who swam at Cal in 1999-2000 stated Muqtar “preyed on those that have been weak.”
“He positioned himself as this ‘I’m right here to assist, right here to hear’ after which he would encourage you to speak about sexual experiences and he would need you to be very graphic, very descriptive,” the girl continued. “He would name me on the cellphone and ask me to be descriptive and I may hear his respiratory on the cellphone. But it surely was at all times on this, ‘I’m right here for you, I care about you.’”
A type of weak athletes was Cindy Tran, who makes use of the pronouns they/them, a six-time NCAA champion who swam for Cal from the 2010-11 to 2013-14 seasons. Tran stated McKeever’s alleged bullying additionally helped push them to the brink of suicide in 2014.
“I might go and speak to Mo concerning the abuse I used to be getting from Teri and the trauma I had,” Tran stated, “and he groomed me to make the most of me.”
Regardless of the athletic success, Tran was on lower than a half a full-ride scholarship at Cal and sometimes struggled financially whereas a pupil.
“Whenever you’re having to chop bills, the very first thing you chop is meals,” Tran stated. “Mo would complain about Teri to us and he would take heed to us complain. Mo gave me meals. He gave me consideration. He gave me garments, stuff, meals.”
However Muqtar additionally turned more and more inappropriate throughout their visits about McKeever, Tran stated.
“He closed the door to his workplace and kissed me on the cheek,” Tran stated. “It escalated to him asking me very private questions on my intercourse life. After which he was making an attempt to kiss me on the lips.”
Tran stated Muqtar kissed her a number of occasions.
“I used to be so manipulated,” Tran stated. “I used to be in such a darkish place in my life.”
Muqtar was fired in Might 2018 for violating the college’s sexual violence and sexual harassment coverage. His removing got here three months after a former Cal girls’s basketball participant filed a lawsuit in opposition to the College of California board of regents alleging she was sexually assaulted by Muqtar. The firing additionally got here eight years after Rais reported Muqtar to Birgeneau, the college’s chancellor, then-Cal athletic director Sandy Barbour and different college officers.
Did McKeever find out about Muqtar’s sexual misconduct towards Cal swimmers?
“She ought to have. Did she? I don’t know,” stated the All-American who swam from 2000 to 2003. “The actual fact is that he did come right down to the pool on a regular basis and talked to swimmers of their bathing fits.”
Muqtar didn't reply to requests for remark.
‘I believe she will get a excessive from that’
Cal swimmers and divers have been by no means actually certain what would set off McKeever’s abusive outbursts. They only knew they have been coming.
“Lively persecution,” stated an NCAA qualifier who swam for Cal from 2008-2012.
Generally it was accidents that will set McKeever off.
A former Golden Bears diver recalled waking up with a 103-degree temperature the morning of the 2012 Pac-12 Championships 3-meter competitors.
“I used to be severely dehydrated, hadn’t slept and couldn’t stroll straight after I received as much as compete,” the diver recalled in an electronic mail. “Went to see Cal’s coach who had traveled to the competitors with us. He suggested me and all coaches that I shouldn't be competing. Teri yelled at me, accusing me of abusing (over-the-counter) chilly medication to get out of diving. She then knowledgeable me that if I didn’t compete, I might be off the staff, and that the staff wanted me to compete even to get final place and get just one level because it could possibly be the distinction in profitable the title.
“You'll be able to possible guess what I ‘selected’ (all whereas the Cal coach stood by, ignored his personal medical recommendation, and let it occur). Cal received by way over 1 level that yr and this was all for nothing. In the meantime, Teri bullied me into one thing extraordinarily harmful, the place I failed a dive for my very own security and wanted assist getting out of the pool.
“I additionally embarrassed myself in entrance of all of my teammates, fellow rivals and different coaches.
“I used to be truthfully Teri’s favourite diver – till I received damage. Then it felt like I wasn’t even a human to her anymore.”
A girl who swam for Cal from 1999 to 2001 was informed by a Cal orthopedist that she may now not swim due to a significant shoulder harm. She must retire, the physician stated. The swimmer informed McKeever of the physician’s resolution.
“After which Teri goes proper right into a staff assembly and tells the entire staff I’m quitting,” the swimmer stated. “Teri threw me beneath the bus. Lied to the entire staff.”
Generally it was a tough apply or unhealthy race.
A swimmer on the 2009-10 staff struggled in her first race on the 2010 Pac-10 meet. She was barely out of the water when McKeever confronted her.
“It was horrible,” the swimmer stated. “She was screaming at me on the pool deck. I used to be a humiliation to the staff. ‘I’m mortified you might be representing the staff.’”
Later the swimmer’s mom, involved about her daughter’s welfare, approached her because the staff boarded a bus.
“My mother simply wished to offer me a fast hug as we have been getting on the bus,” the swimmer stated, “however Teri pushed me ahead away from her so my mother couldn’t hug me. As she was doing it Teri stated, ‘Develop up (the swimmer’s identify).’”
And “generally,” stated a Cal standout from the mid 2000s, “it was the look in your face. Teri simply didn’t just like the look in your face.”
Nearly at all times the swearing, the screaming, the berating and the bullying befell in public.
In entrance of teammates.
In entrance of different groups and coaches.
“Teri would scream in staff conferences to wipe that (expletive) look off your face,” stated Taylor Younger, a member of the 2013-14 staff. “Teri preferred to focus on folks for the enjoyable of it.”
Dozens of former Cal swimmers, divers and their dad and mom stated McKeever appeared to thrive on publicly humiliating or shaming athletes.
“I believe she will get a excessive from that,” stated the swimmer on the 2009-10 staff.
“Oh, yeah,” Coffman agreed. “One-hundred %, one hundred pc. Whenever you have been on the receiving finish of it, you possibly can inform she was relieved she was ripping you for one thing.”
Mentioned a member of the 2001-02 Cal squad, “(McKeever) took enjoyment of it. There’s a pecking order and she or he’s the alpha canine and she or he has to continually reinforce that.”
On a number of events, that reinforcement included undesirable bodily contact, swimmers stated. 5 former Cal swimmers from the 1999 to 2014 interval alleged McKeever bodily grabbed and forcefully pulled them out of the pool or alongside the pool deck throughout episodes by which she berated them.
“If she was mad, she would seize your arm actually tight and dig her nails into you and pull you,” stated the NCAA qualifier from the 2008 to 2012 groups. “And it wasn’t simply the bodily touching. It was bodily and it was her manner of getting up in your face and screaming at you. I’d by no means been in a scenario like that. She was screaming so onerous that she was truly spitting in my face quite a few occasions.”
‘A poisonous cult’
“With Teri, one in all her largest strengths is she sees what makes you tick and is a mastermind at determining tips on how to use and discover your weak spot, and she or he makes use of it time and again and over,” stated the swimmer from the 2009-10 staff.
All 16 swimmers and divers from the 1999 to 2014 interval stated it was throughout staff retreats away from campus, introduced by the coach and her assistants as “team-building workout routines,” that McKeever discovered what buttons to push.
Greater than a dozen swimmers and divers stated the retreats made them really feel as in the event that they have been becoming a member of a cult and the previous athletes and their dad and mom repeatedly referred to the Cal program in interviews as a “cult.”
“A poisonous cult,” stated a Cal swimmer from the 2000s.
“Teri is huge on staff bonding,” stated the girl who swam for Cal from 2006 to 2010. “She says it's going to make us a greater staff, we are going to perceive one another higher so we may type a cohesive staff.
“However the staff retreats are simply her placing us in a spot of vulnerability that she would brazenly mock you or degrade you in entrance of the staff.”
Girls recalled being pressured to share deeply private secrets and techniques – previous sexual experiences, sexual orientation, traumatic losses, embarrassing moments, power sicknesses, consuming issues – over three days in entrance of their coaches and teammates, a few of whom that they had simply met. At one retreat, McKeever was current because the athletes have been requested if that they had been sexually assaulted, recalled two swimmers.
“It’s six, seven hours a day of being actually pressured to share your deepest, darkest secrets and techniques and fears,” stated a swimmer on the 2009-10 staff.
The NCAA qualifier from the 2009 to 2012 groups recalled swimmers being required at a retreat to carry a chunk of tape itemizing their largest fault and being requested to “arise in entrance of the remainder of the staff.”
If McKeever or her assistants thought athletes weren't sharing their most private secrets and techniques, the coaches and different swimmers would strain the ladies to disclose even deeper experiences or fears. A number of girls stated they created false tales simply to cease McKeever and their teammates from pressuring them.
“The extra traumatic your expertise was, the extra well-received you have been by Teri,” a swimmer stated. “You felt strain to indicate emotion and cry as a result of all people else was crying. The strain to please Teri was so intense that I made up a lie.”
Mentioned the NCAA qualifier: “You needed to inform her actually distressing private issues. You felt numerous strain to inform Teri one thing is fallacious with you and she or he would undoubtedly exploit any private insecurities.
“What have been your hopes and desires? What have been your largest fears? What have been your largest flaws? And she or he used that later to select you aside at her comfort.”
McKeever seemingly missed nothing in the course of the retreats.
The NCAA qualifier recalled being approached by older teammates after the primary session of her first retreat.”They stated, ‘Teri stated it's good to repair your posture and your face,’” the previous swimmer stated. “‘Teri doesn’t suppose you look engaged sufficient.’
“What does that imply? Repair your face, repair your posture?”
Three swimmers bear in mind one explicit “team-building” train within the late 2000s that captured the trauma and worry current on the retreats.
Swimmers have been informed to line up so as from most precious to the staff to least precious.
“On the very again a lady was shoving folks out of the way in which to get the again spot,” the swimmer on the 2009-10 staff stated. “The woman was shaking. I can’t let you know how bizarre and tousled it was from a psychological standpoint. I wished to be extra on the again and one of many women was actually pushing us ahead, saying, ‘No, it is best to go forward of us.’ Women have been sobbing uncontrollably.
“I simply bear in mind being very confused. It appeared extraordinarily weird. And I bear in mind feeling prefer it was extraordinarily unacceptable.”
One other retreat eight years earlier would go away Cal swimmers with related emotions.
‘I felt like a toddler’
On the morning of Sept. 11, 2001, Cal swimmers climbed out of the pool after the primary of two scheduled practices that day to study that two planes had crashed into the World Commerce Middle in New York Metropolis. One other had struck the Pentagon.
As particulars of the terrorist assaults emerged, swimmers scrambled to seek out the whereabouts of household and pals. One swimmer’s mom was a flight attendant primarily based out of New York Metropolis. One other athlete’s father was flying again to the East Coast after visiting his daughter in Berkeley. Katherine McAdoo, a sophomore from Alexandria, Virginia, grew up not removed from the Pentagon.
“My dad and mom had pals who labored at Pentagon,” she stated. “I had pals whose dad and mom labored at Pentagon.”
McAdoo’s mom was strolling on the Military Navy Nation Membership in Arlington, Virginia when American Flight 77 flew proper above her within the closing 1 1/2 miles earlier than it crashed into the Pentagon.
“My mother ducked when it flew over,” McAdoo stated.
However as a substitute of empathizing with their considerations, McKeever made certain the swimmers’ focus was on coaching and staff constructing and never the most important terrorist assault on American soil within the nation’s historical past, the ladies stated.
“We weren't allowed to name our pals or household or watch the information in the course of the largest occasion in our nation,” stated a two-time All-American from the East Coast. “9/11 has at all times caught with me. Once I consider 9/11, that’s what I consider and the dearth of caring about present occasions and the swimmer’s (psychological well being).”
The staff practiced once more that afternoon, after which inside hours, they have been pushed to Lake Tahoe for a beforehand scheduled staff retreat. The swimmers couldn't use their cell telephones or laptops. Their sole focus in the course of the retreat, McKeever informed the staff, was to be on swimming.
“I felt like a toddler. I actually did,” stated the All-American. “There was actually no house for us to take care of it. It was very weird, very hurtful.
“We have been fully remoted, principally closed off from the world. It was soul-crushing to be caught in a cabin the entire time with a significant occasion on the planet happening and also you’re closed off from the remainder of the world.
“With the way in which she handled 9/11, it actually confirmed simply how chilly this girl actually is.”
For McAdoo, the week of 9/11 was an indication of issues to return with McKeever.
“That complete grieving expertise the nation was going by means of, we didn’t get to undergo,” she stated. “We didn’t get to take part in that.
“It was complicated. It was the start of studying tips on how to shut down your emotions. The primary lesson in when you’re going to swim for Teri, it's a must to discover ways to shut down your emotions.”
A dozen years later, Taylor Younger’s physique shut down earlier than her feelings did.
‘A state of fixed stress’
Like with Toomey, McKeever continued to dwell in Younger’s head even after she left Berkeley.
“The worry of her is absolutely sturdy,” Younger stated of McKeever.
“I lived in a relentless state of flight or combat. I believe numerous us did, in a state of fixed stress, one hundred pc worry, one hundred pc of the time.”
That stress had been ever-present since Cal’s pre-season staff retreat and into the college yr when Younger stated she was a frequent goal of McKeever’s bullying. Then late in 2013, Younger’s well being started to quickly decline.
“The stress of all of it, the stress of Teri,” Younger stated, “triggered an autoimmune illness.”
Younger was recognized with Hashimoto’s illness, an autoimmune dysfunction by which the immune system creates antibodies that assault thyroid cells as in the event that they have been micro organism, viruses or another international physique, wrongly enlisting disease-fighting brokers that harm cells and result in cell dying.
The illness can result in an enlarged thyroid, coronary heart issues, psychological well being points, sexual or reproductive dysfunction, and elevated threat of miscarriage.
Younger stated she carried the gene for Hashimoto’s illness however that docs informed her that the dysfunction was triggered in an in any other case wholesome teenager by the stress she was experiencing swimming at Cal.
“It was triggered by the immense stress of swimming beneath Teri,” Younger stated.
She stopped menstruating. She gained weight rapidly. She suffered from mind fog, anxiousness and despair. Generally she had scorching flashes. Generally she felt like she was freezing.
“There have been occasions after I couldn’t get heat. My physique was actually freaking out despite the fact that I used to be beneath sheets and blankets,” Younger stated.
“The mind fog was horrible. The anxiousness was horrible. I had no power.”
Whereas three teammates recalled Younger struggling bodily and emotionally, Younger stated McKeever confirmed no empathy and provided no help.
“Teri by no means inquired about my well being despite the fact that it was clear I used to be unwell,” Younger stated.
Extra frightened of McKeever’s judgment than poor grades, Younger stated she stopped going to class.
“I might sleep between apply,” she stated. “All I may do was sleep. I used to be in survival mode. I might swim at apply after which do nothing so I may survive the subsequent apply. So all I did was sleep, however I didn’t need to sleep as a result of I’d get up and need to go to apply. And I had only a horrible dread of waking up, it was insane. Waking up was essentially the most horrible factor figuring out I needed to go to apply and face her.
“The stress was simply all-consuming.”
In February 2014, Younger broke her foot whereas operating on a staff journey.
“I used to be too afraid to say something to Teri,” she stated.
On the subsequent apply, Younger tried swimming.
“However I may solely swim for just a few laps as a result of it damage so unhealthy within the water,” she stated. “I needed to say one thing.”
Younger informed McKeever concerning the harm, which was apparent given the state of her swollen foot, and requested if she may do a restricted exercise.
“She informed me both get again within the water and swim the entire apply on a damaged foot or under no circumstances,” Younger recalled. “Teri stated both swim fully or under no circumstances. There was no in-between.”
Younger, her foot in a boot per physician’s order, stopped going to apply after McKeever’s ultimatum.
“I felt like I used to be on this bizarre limbo of not practising however nonetheless feeling simply trapped by her,” Younger stated. “I’m glad I broke my foot as a result of it gave me a manner out, a tiny little bit of respiratory room to comprehend I wanted to depart.”
However to switch Younger wanted McKeever to launch her, and that meant assembly with the coach.
“Once I broached it she threatened me, yelled at me, screamed at me, yelled at me that she wouldn’t launch me, wouldn’t let me swim anyplace else, particularly within the Pac 12,” Younger stated. “Once I formally did meet, it was in all probability essentially the most fearful I’ve been in my life. She stated, ‘I hope you deal with your future bosses like this to allow them to hearth your ass.’”
Younger stated she was unsure why McKeever felt mistreated.
She transferred to a junior faculty earlier than ending her freshman yr after which went to San Diego State, the place she resumed her swimming profession.
“I had hesitations about speaking about this,” she stated, “and the worry (of McKeever) continues to be there even after eight years. It’s that intense. However I’m so glad that is getting uncovered. It’s insane. It’s insane that that is what your college expertise is like.”
‘If I don’t belief my coach, who can I belief?’
By the point Leann Toomey arrived in Berkeley in the summertime of 2004, she had already competed within the U.S. Olympic Trials. She would go to earn All-American honors as a freshman and sophomore at Cal and set up herself because the Golden Bears’ high athlete within the 100 butterfly.
However McKeever, Toomey, her mom Lisa and a former teammate stated, sensed a weak point in Toomey and focused her for nearly day by day bullying early in her freshman yr. When McKeever wasn’t swearing at Toomey or kicking her off form, she was ignoring her, Toomey, her mom and the teammate stated.
“In October she actually began singling me out,” Toomey stated. “‘You by no means actually deserved to be on the staff.’ She would kick me off form for not doing a flip flip correctly. It didn’t matter that 20 minutes earlier I used to be the one one of many staff who did an train correctly.”
Toomey suffers from sleep apnea, inflicting her to snore loudly.
“And Teri would make a lot enjoyable of me for that on a regular basis,” Toomey stated.
As a result of she was clearly on what Cal swimmers known as McKeever’s “(expletive) checklist” most of her teammates prevented her, fearing that being seen by the coach or her workers as socializing or being supportive of Toomey would land them on the checklist as nicely.
“I felt so remoted,” Toomey stated. “If I don’t belief my coach, who can I belief? That began the gaslighting by Teri. She’s actually, actually good at twisting your personal model of actuality round on you.”
Shortly after McKeever started bullying Toomey, she was raped at a fraternity occasion, in keeping with Toomey, her mom and a teammate. Toomey acquired medical therapy following the incident from College Well being Providers, which reported the alleged rape to regulation enforcement, Toomey stated. She stated she additionally knowledgeable the college’s athletic coaching workers, who in flip informed McKeever of the rape.
McKeever provided no help or consolation, Toomey stated.
“I used to be raped and there was no ‘We’re right here for you,’” Toomey stated. “It was such as you’re simply going to need to recover from that.”
Lisa Toomey stated she acquired the same response when she met with McKeever after flying from the household’s Seattle-area dwelling to the Bay Space the day after the alleged rape.
“Teri sat by means of that assembly with us like we have been only a ache within the ass for her,” Lisa Toomey stated. “She’s speaking about Leann is so onerous to teach and so troublesome. I couldn’t consider after such a traumatic occasion the dearth of help and empathy Teri had was stunning.
“(McKeever) simply actually stated nothing concerning the rape. She actually acted like we have been a hassle. She saved speaking about how Leann was troublesome to teach. ‘I don’t know tips on how to coach her.’ My daughter has this big drama and Teri is blaming her as a result of she will’t coach her?
“We’re speaking a few freshman and her world has simply been turned the wrong way up and Teri simply has this clean, flat response and complains that she doesn’t know tips on how to coach her.”
Unhappy with McKeever’s response, Lisa Toomey stated she contacted John Cummins, an affiliate chancellor to whom the Cal athletic division reported. Cummins, Lisa Toomey stated, informed her there have been three choices: Report the rape to the police, report the alleged rapist to a pupil court docket or do nothing. A court docket case or listening to would “possible traumatize” Leann Toomey, Lisa Toomey recalled Cummins saying.
Cummins didn't reply to a request for remark.
The household determined to not pursue the case.
The bullying by McKeever continued, the Toomeys and the teammate stated.
Generally she would get a heads up from Muqtar on her option to the pool.
“‘Teri’s in one in all her moods’ and I might suppose ‘oh, (expletive),’” she recalled. “I hope I simply get hit by a bus on my option to apply.”
“By December,” Leann Toomey stated. “I used to be alienated. I used to be alone. I used to be completely alone.”
Toomey, nonetheless, continued to swim for Cal at a excessive degree till she stated McKeever went off on her after a poor race on the Janet Evans Invitational at USC in July 2007.
“She was yelling at me, swearing at me within the locker room, I used to be fats, I used to be lazy,” Toomey stated. “Different coaches from different groups have been coming as much as me and asking, ‘Are you OK?’
“That’s (expletive) up.
“I informed her I’m by no means coming again.”
Toomey’s swimming profession at Cal was completed.
Bear cookies
All through the interviews, the dearth of connection the ladies really feel for Cal and the ladies’s swimming program was unmistakable. All 17 of the previous swimmers and divers stated they've purposely tried to distance themselves from this system. Only a few of the ladies keep in contact with former teammates.
“There’s no connection between us as a result of none of us need to relive what we went by means of,” a swimmer stated.
However whereas a majority of the ladies stated they've prevented returning to Berkeley, additionally they acknowledge an incapability to shake the recollections of McKeever, and the affect she continues to have on their lives to this present day.
Coffman’s reminiscence of being shunned by McKeever after qualifying for the NCAA Championships nonetheless stays contemporary 20 years later.
“It was the happiest second of my life,” Coffman stated, recalling how she stood close to McKeever on the meet ready to speak to her, however not desirous to interrupt the coach’s conversations with different coaches. “I waited half-hour. She by no means stated a phrase.
“I bear in mind making cookies, bear cookies for the coaches. Teri would rip me up and I’d flip round and make her cookies simply to realize that love, that compassion, that spotlight.
“I’m nonetheless hesitant to make relationships with folks as a result of I’m afraid that they’re going to make use of and abuse you and all of it goes again to Teri.”
And they also attempt to heal in their very own methods, nonetheless remoted, nonetheless questioning themselves, their recollections, their trauma stopping so lots of them from returning to the place the place that they had as soon as been their strongest, their most hopeful; from therapeutic within the very waters that after empowered them.
“I can’t even get within the pool anymore,” Toomey stated, “with out listening to her voice in my head.”
The Nationwide Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a hotline for people in disaster or for these trying to assist another person. To talk with an authorized listener, name 1-800-273-8255, go to the web site at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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