DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've a really delicate pal whom my husband and I've identified for a few years now.
Earlier than the pandemic, we used to often get along with a couple of different couples, together with this pal and her husband.
Since then, all the opposite couples in our pal group have moved elsewhere, and we've simply been hanging out with this pal and her husband.
There are some issues about this couple that had been tolerable in a gaggle, however which have since turn out to be irritating for me.
First, this pal will routinely ask to get dinner or request to hang around, however not supply to host. This can go on for months.
We've a brand new child (they know this), however in an effort to keep up relationships that was once satisfying, we provide to host or choose a restaurant to go to. Then they are going to cancel an hour or two earlier than, present up an hour or so late, or (most not too long ago) present up half an hour early after we had advised them we had been placing our child to mattress!
Secondly, after we do get collectively, this pal will speak politics, make snide feedback about her husband in entrance of us, name our child “It,” speak about how disgusting motherhood sounds, and ask how a lot cash I make! I often change the topic, dance round any uncomfortable questions or repeat her feedback concerning the child utilizing “his/him.”
My husband is an introvert who prefers a small pal group and is of the opinion that we should always drop this pal as she “clearly doesn’t respect us or our younger household.”
However I feel she may be clueless! Her sensitivity makes me hesitant to talk along with her instantly about these points. Is that this relationship price salvaging?
GENTLE READER: It was at all times Miss Manners’ understanding that delicate and insensitive had been opposites. She now realizes that, when the previous adjective is utilized to folks, it's extra a case of flammable and inflammable: two methods to say the identical factor — particularly, that the particular person is well flamable.
Her personal desire is to maintain hearth away from something invaluable, however you'll have to resolve the value of this friendship by yourself.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it good manners to ship a thank-you notice to the household of a superb pal who left me cash after her demise? They had been those who wrote the examine and made certain her needs had been honored for me to obtain it. Ought to I ship one?
GENTLE READER: It might be awkward, as thanking them for correctly executing the desire carries the disagreeable suggestion that they may have completed in any other case.
However Miss Manners understands the sentiment of wishing to acknowledge the present to somebody nonetheless dwelling. You had been going to jot down a condolence letter anyway. In recounting your late pal’s many kindness, you possibly can, in passing, embody her final.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her electronic mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.