DEAR ABBY: I've been with my husband for greater than 30 years. We've got no youngsters collectively, however he has three grownup kids from a earlier marriage. All of them are of their 30s.
He and his ex had a nasty breakup, and she or he has by no means given up on him coming again to her.
For my part, he has strung her alongside. He buys her the moon and pretends our marriage doesn’t exist for the “sake of seeing the youngsters.”
We was once shut, however for the reason that pandemic I've discovered he has been going to “their home” day by day earlier than he goes to work. He pays her mortgage and does every part there for her. I pay our home payments as a result of he must “assist her and the youngsters.”
They've grown tremendous shut now, and just lately had a grandchild.
He's too concerned along with her. He takes her in all places she needs, and after I get upset or offended, he tells me I’m a egocentric, childless b-word and if I had youngsters I might perceive.
I really like him, however I've reached the purpose the place I've no shallowness. I've requested him greater than as soon as why he doesn’t return to her. He tells me I'm insecure and paranoid.
Abby, I'm a wise, profitable girl, however I'm afraid to surrender what we had. I'm additionally afraid of being alone.
Am I overreacting about his closeness along with her? What do I do?
— BEATEN DOWN AND FED UP
DEAR BEATEN DOWN: The person you married is emotionally abusive, egocentric and dishonest.
I don’t understand how lengthy this state of affairs has been taking part in out, but it surely’s as if he by no means actually divorced his first spouse. Has he been “visiting the youngsters” all this time, or did it begin when the COVID quarantines started?
Begin NOW to rebuild your sense of shallowness by speaking with a licensed psychological well being skilled. As soon as you might be stronger you'll be in a greater place to resolve what you need to do.
When you reread your letter, you'll discover a evident omission. Not as soon as did you point out something optimistic he does for YOU. There are worse issues than being alone, and what you could have described is near it.
DEAR ABBY: Our 14-year-old granddaughter got here out as a boy 4 months in the past. The scenario has been terrifying as a result of he had thought of suicide. He was hospitalized and now sees a therapist and psychologist and is taking anxiousness meds.
This has been a making an attempt time for us as effectively. I really like my grandchild however I’m having a really exhausting time with this. So is my husband.
I don’t know find out how to inform my sisters and their husbands about this. One set is fairly understanding; the opposite set is extraordinarily right-wing and over-the-top conservative.
We need to settle for our grandchild as who he's figuring out as, however we're nonetheless bewildered. Thanks for any strategies you might need for us.
— THROWN IN TEXAS
DEAR THROWN: I don’t suppose it's best to rush to share this information along with your sisters and their husbands. The announcement ought to come out of your grandchild when he's prepared.
As to the way you and your husband ought to “deal with” it, the group PFLAG has just lately come out with a free publication titled, “Supporting Your LGBTQ+ Grandchild.” It’s a fast and simple learn, and you might discover the data it accommodates useful. Discover it at pflag.org or by calling 202-467-8180.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.