DEAR MISS MANNERS: From an etiquette perspective, am I required to have interaction with males I don’t know who try to speak to me?
My husband and I moved to a busy touristy space, and we are able to’t stroll down the sidewalk with out males attempting to shove menus into our arms and wave us into their eating places. Or distributors will name out, “Hey, my pals!” to get us into their retailers. Different instances, it’s not apparent why they're making an attempt to speak to us, however I assume they need one thing.
My instincts are to utterly ignore them and never even make eye contact. That goes for a road vendor, a catcalling building employee, a commuter making an attempt to talk me up on the prepare, or a man on the road saying, “You could have such a reasonably face, why aren’t you smiling?”
I don’t know them, don’t need to know them, and don’t want to purchase something from/date/make pals with them.
In my expertise, when you react to them in any approach, they'll take that as an “in” and hold following or shouting at you.
My husband, nevertheless, will normally reply politely to them. He says I’m being “unfriendly.” I say I'm beneath no obligation to be pleasant with strangers who clearly need one thing from me that I don’t wish to give.
My husband has by no means needed to take care of catcalling, and as a visibly robust man, folks will normally depart him alone if he retains strolling. However as a girl, I don’t really feel that sense of invulnerability. I really feel safer simply ignoring them, even after I’m with my husband.
Am I being unfriendly? What, in response to etiquette, are my obligations?
GENTLE READER: Whether or not it's pleasant is, Miss Manners agrees, not the fitting query.
Out of your description, you take cheap steps to keep away from being taken benefit of — which is each comprehensible and, in contrast to the catcallers and harassers, throughout the dictates of excellent etiquette. It will be pleasant of your husband to assist you on this.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Maybe you may clarify to me one of many nice mysteries of the fashionable age: Why are DJs (or dwell bands) allowed to hijack wedding ceremony receptions to the purpose that no conversations may be had whereas eating?
My husband and I attended yet one more wedding ceremony the place the meal was accompanied by music so loud that you possibly can solely be heard by shouting into the ear of the particular person subsequent to you. This, in fact, meant that there was no dialog with anybody throughout the desk, and even two seats away.
Why can’t the DJs wait till after the marriage feast earlier than guaranteeing the group shall be — actually and figuratively — blown away by the music?
GENTLE READER: Why the performers wish to drown out any competitors pursuits Miss Manners lower than why the hosts enable it.
Irrespective of what number of specialists a number employs — DJs, wedding ceremony planners, dressmakers, caterers, and so forth. — and irrespective of how insistent such advisers are in having their very own approach, the duty for treating one’s friends decently nonetheless lies with the host, who ought to communicate with the band.
Until the thought is to cowl for folks not figuring out find out how to make dialog.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.