DEAR ABBY: My longtime girlfriend has male mates who go to her throughout the day whereas I'm gone for a couple of week every month. I do know them, they're attention-grabbing individuals, and I’m OK with that.
She now has a good friend who's a faith-based healer — one thing she gravitates towards. He lives three hours away, and when he visits, he stays in a single day.
I met him not too long ago. He’s there now whereas I'm two states away.
He does hands-on therapeutic together with her and different individuals she introduces him to. He goes within the water every single day of the yr, and now my girlfriend does, too, often very early within the morning. Presumably, they do that collectively whereas I'm away. Possibly he goes in bare; she would take into account that pure.
She advised me to not fear in regards to the overnights and the hands-on therapeutic as a result of “he's a person of God.” I advised her it doesn’t make any distinction.
He's divorced and single. Am I being a dope to let this occur with out making a powerful objection?
— MYSTIFIED IN MAINE
DEAR MYSTIFIED: As a result of this lady is your “longtime” girlfriend, you've got the proper to make your emotions in regards to the association identified.
Should you weren’t snug with the concept of her entertaining a divorced single man in a single day in your absence, it is best to have stated so from the start.
Whether or not the 2 of them are sexually concerned is inappropriate. If she cares about your emotions, she ought to respect them. Nonetheless, if she doesn’t, then it could be time so that you can discover one other girlfriend.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I met in 2006, had a gorgeous daughter in 2007, married in 2010 and divorced in 2013. He was trustworthy with me about being a recovering addict (medication and alcohol) after we met.
Our first few years collectively have been nice. Nonetheless, he fell off the wagon after the marriage and began utilizing medication and ingesting once more. It shortly spiraled uncontrolled, and I refused to lift our younger daughter in that surroundings.
He continued in his addictions for seven years after our divorce. He grew to become clear and sober once more in 2019, has rekindled his strained relationship with our daughter and is making an attempt to rekindle ours as effectively.
We're at present co-parenting and name one another mates, however he desires extra.
I've forgiven him for the previous damage and betrayals, however I can’t neglect the ache. I can’t assist however be afraid that if I let him again into my life romantically, historical past will repeat itself.
Ought to I let go of the previous and provides him one other probability, or proceed to co-parent and hold him within the good friend zone?
— FORGIVEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
DEAR FORGIVEN: I recommend you attend some conferences of Nar-Anon (nar-anon.org), a corporation based to assist family and friends affected by another person’s dependancy. Should you do, it gives you added perception.
Addicts in restoration have been identified to fall off the wagon, as you effectively know. My query for you is, are you robust sufficient to undergo it once more ought to the necessity come up? Nobody else can reply that query for you.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.