DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I've been collectively for 26 years. I’m old-fashioned — no Fb or social media, though I do observe sports activities on Twitter. My spouse, nonetheless, is all into it.
My situation is, she thinks it’s OK to maintain her life on social media personal from me. I don’t assume there ought to be any secrets and techniques between us, and I’m feeling uncomfortable about this.
I noticed one thing that, from my standpoint, is out of bounds for a married lady. Once I requested about it, she stated it’s personal and has nothing to do with me. I’m questioning if that is the hill I'll die on.
Touching her telephone can be a serious crime. However my telephone is open and he or she is aware of all my passwords to it in addition to the pc.
I’m pondering the openness is one-way, and it’s not working for me. Am I an fool, as I’ve been informed?
ONE-WAY IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR ONE-WAY: No, you’re not an fool. You're a husband who suspects his spouse could also be doing one thing nefarious as a result of she has change into so secretive that belief has change into a difficulty.
Whereas I don’t assume that is the hill you'll die on, it might be the one your marriage will die on, as a result of, with out belief, there might be no marriage.
Since you and your spouse can not talk successfully, provide her the choice of counseling. If she agrees, it might save your marriage. If she doesn’t, then go with out her that can assist you determine what your subsequent steps ought to be.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a mom of three superb kids, ages 14, 10 and 1. My oldest kids have been born whereas I used to be actively hooked on medication and alcohol.
They have been 6 and a pair of once I acquired sober. As a consequence of my previous, they lived with their father. We by no means went to court docket; we determined custody on our personal.
Three years in the past, I married my superb husband. The subsequent 12 months my daughter determined to maneuver in with us. She lived with us for 2 years and was planning on doing so once more this college 12 months. On the final minute, three days earlier than she was to come back dwelling, she determined to stay along with her father, who lives in one other state.
I do know his facet of the household has all the time made her really feel responsible for leaving there, and I really feel like they labored on her all summer season. I’m heartbroken, however I refuse to stoop to their stage and make her really feel responsible.
I’m happy with my daughter for being robust sufficient to make this resolution, however I simply can’t assist however really feel like I’ve executed one thing mistaken. They're nicely taken care of at their father’s home, however there are a complete of eight youngsters there, and I don’t really feel she's going to get sufficient consideration. What ought to I do?
HURTING HEART IN LOUISIANA
DEAR HURTING HEART: As an alternative of beating your self up over one thing you “may” have executed, ask your daughter why she selected to stick with her father for the varsity 12 months. I believe it’s a good query if requested in a nonconfrontational method.
The reply could also be so simple as she fashioned some new friendships and doesn’t need them to finish.
Then, enable this new situation to play out. It’s solely doable that in a couple of months or subsequent 12 months she could need to return to you and your husband.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.