A pair occasions a month, Dakota Halverson would sneak at night time into the cemetery the place his youthful brother, Marine Lance Cpl. Kareem Nikoui, is buried to sleep on the grassy gravesite.
As August drew nearer, Halverson, 28, spent extra time at “Kareem’s resting place” — typically two or three nights per week, mentioned his mom, Norco resident Shana Chappell.
“Then the month of August hit, and Dakota began speaking about how he simply wished to be with Kareem, how a lot he missed him, how a lot it harm not having him (round),” she mentioned. “It began hitting him. He began saying, ‘Kareem’s actually gone, huh?’ And I might inform him, ‘Yeah, he's.’”
Nikoui, a 20-year-old jiu-jitsu champion who graduated from Norco Excessive College in 2019 was amongst 11 Marines and two different service members killed Aug. 26 when a lone Islamic State suicide bomber set off explosives at Kabul’s airport in the course of the chaotic U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan. Observances are deliberate this week to mark the anniversary of that assault and keep in mind the 13 fallen service members.
Chappell and her kids had been hurting extra, grieving extra, as they sensed the anniversary approaching.
Then, on Tuesday, Aug. 9, Halverson took his personal life at Norco’s Pikes Peak Park, she mentioned.
The brothers performed collectively on the swings and slides at that park after they had been youngsters, Chappell mentioned. When Nikoui got here dwelling for weekends after per week of coaching at Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, they typically hung out on the park.
“They might take off operating throughout the grass and typically give one another piggyback rides, and see who might carry who the farthest,” she mentioned. “Kareem would win as a result of Kareem was a Marine. And he might carry whoever actually far.”
“They had been shut,” she mentioned. “All my youngsters are shut.”
Now, the mom of 5 kids ranging in age from 32 to 17 is grieving the lack of two sons — in the identical month — one yr aside.
The assault on the airport in Afghanistan took the lives of three younger Marines from the Inland Empire, together with Cpl. Hunter Lopez, 22, of Indio; Lance Cpl. Dylan R. Merola, 20, of Rancho Cucamonga; and Nikoui.
Chappell, in a Thursday, Aug. 18, interview at Pierce Brothers Crestlawn Memorial Park and Mortuary close to the Riverside-Norco border, mentioned she didn’t see the Halverson’s loss of life coming.
“I assume if you’re grieving a baby you’re just about in like a bubble and you may’t see out of that bubble,” she mentioned, including, “I by no means thought one in every of my youngsters can be so harm that they might take their life.”
Lyn Morris, CEO of Didi Hirsch Psychological Well being Companies in Los Angeles and Orange counties, mentioned it's unlucky however typically individuals don’t acknowledge indicators that members of the family or buddies are contemplating taking their life till afterward.
“Whenever you’re near somebody, after all it's tougher to see it,” Morris mentioned.
Chappell now has a message for different mother and father: Pay nearer consideration to kids, concentrate on the strain they're beneath and don’t assume they will address it.
“You would possibly suppose they’re dealing with it OK, however deep down they’re not,” she mentioned. “Search for the indicators.”
Trying again, Chappell needs she had.
“If I might have been on the lookout for the indicators with Dakota, if I might have recognized what they had been, I might have noticed them,” she mentioned. “I might by no means need one other mum or dad to undergo this. Ever.”
Like all of her kids, Halverson tended to be completely satisfied. From an early age, Chappell mentioned, he had a real concern for individuals and wished to assist these in want.
“He’d make me go to McDonald’s and purchase an entire bunch of cheeseburgers,” she mentioned. “After which we’d should drive round and search for homeless individuals and provides them cheeseburgers as a result of he felt they wanted to eat, too.”
“Then, as winter would come, we’d should go to the 99 Cents retailer and purchase socks,” she mentioned, so individuals dwelling on the road would have heat, dry socks.
Chappell mentioned she was typically frightened by the individuals to whom they gave meals and socks.
“I’d be like, ‘That one appears somewhat loopy,’” she mentioned, then her son would reply: “He’s not loopy, Mother, he’s simply having a tough time.”
Halverson moved to the Los Angeles space at one level and obtained into some hassle, earlier than transferring again to Norco, Chappell mentioned, whereas not entering into particulars. As Nikoui was getting ready to deploy with the Marines, he informed his older brother he wished him to “straighten up and get a job, and once I get again from my deployment I’m going that will help you.”
Within the yr since Nikoui’s loss of life, Halverson made optimistic adjustments, Chappell mentioned. And some days earlier than his personal loss of life, Halverson “stood right here in entrance of (Nikoui’s) gravestone and he informed Kareem, ‘I did it.’”
Halverson additionally informed members of the family how a lot he beloved them, “saying sorry for something that he may need finished unhealthy previously,” she mentioned. “I simply thought that it was as a result of he had straightened out his life and was doing so good.” Now, she mentioned, it seems to have been “his method of claiming that he was going to depart.”
Morris mentioned apologizing for issues from the previous is a standard signal that one is considering suicide, and he or she urges those that hear that to ask questions. It’s nice to thank the individual for apologizing, she mentioned, and urged saying one thing like, “But it surely type of felt such as you had been saying goodbye. What’s happening?”
Chappell mentioned that, at occasions, Halverson was emotional.
“You could possibly see that he had been crying,” she mentioned. “You’d ask what’s mistaken and he’d say he simply misses Kareem, and he simply needs to be with Kareem.”
Chappell mentioned her son was particularly completely satisfied the final week of his life.
“I didn’t know that was an indication till I seemed that up,” she mentioned.
Then there was the remark concerning the tattoo.
“About two or three days earlier than Dakota died, he had informed me he actually favored my arm tribute to his brother, to Kareem,” she mentioned. “And I mentioned, ‘Thanks.’ And he mentioned, ‘If one thing occurred to me, would you get tattoo tributes for me?’”
Chappell informed Halverson nothing was going to occur to him, however that she would get a tattoo for him anyway.
“He mentioned, ‘Actually, you’d do this?’” Chappell mentioned. “He let me know he likes orchids and his favourite colour is burgundy.”
A couple of days in the past, Chappell went to a neighborhood tattoo store to have “Dakota” and an orchid painted on her aspect.
“I simply don’t know the place issues went mistaken,” she mentioned. “I imply, I do know it’s onerous. The one-year (anniversary) is developing. It’s bringing again numerous harm, numerous reminiscences you don’t need to have. However I don’t know, I assume it was simply an excessive amount of for him.”
In a Fb publish, she mentioned, “My coronary heart is totally shattered.”
As she struggles to maneuver ahead, Chappell mentioned she intends to work tougher to see that her different kids discover methods to deal with their grief.
As for Chappell, she mentioned she felt numb.
“I’m in shock about it proper now,” she mentioned. “It hasn’t actually hit me. It totally hits if you really lay them to relaxation.”
Halverson shall be buried subsequent to his brother in September, Chappell mentioned .
A gofundme account set as much as elevate cash for the burial and memorial service had greater than $45,000 as of late Friday, Aug. 19.
Chappell worries concerning the second when her older son is laid to relaxation.
“I’ve already talked to household and buddies to be sure that I’m not alone — not as a result of I’m afraid I’m going to harm myself, however as a result of when there’s individuals round me I maintain my thoughts functioning.”
CANDLELIGHT VIGIL
What: A remembrance and candlelight vigil to honor the 13 service members killed within the Aug. 26, 2021, bombing assault on the Kabul, Afghanistan airport.
When: Thursday, Aug. 25, 7 p.m.
The place: George A. Ingalls Veterans Memorial Plaza, 3737 Crestview Drive, Norco.
Particulars: The general public is invited and may enter via Gate 5.
GETTING HELP
If you happen to or somebody you understand is contemplating suicide or self-harm, psychological well being sources, together with free and low-cost companies, can be found. They embody:
988 Suicide & Disaster Lifeline: Dial 9-8-8 or name 800-273-8255, 988lifeline.org
Didi Hirsch Psychological Well being Companies: didihirsch.org
Born This Method Basis’s Get Assist Now web page: BornThisWay.basis/get-help-now
Disaster Textual content Line: CrisisTextLine.org
Hayden’s Nook: HaydensCorner.org
The Veterans Disaster Line: Dial 9-8-8 then press 1, VeteransCrisisLine.web