DEAR ABBY: I survived 17 years of abuse. I’m slowly therapeutic and now in a wholesome relationship I take pleasure in.
My ex did what most abusers do in these conditions: He remoted me from my household. He would power me to say imply issues to my sisters and fogeys to maintain them away and make them hate me.
Now that I’m out of that state of affairs, I desire a relationship with them once more. Sadly, my sisters say I have to apologize for my conduct (once more), which I’m not snug doing.
I did apologize as soon as, but it surely wasn’t adequate for them, since I acknowledged that I used to be sorry he made me do these issues. What ought to I do?
GETTING PAST IT IN KANSAS
DEAR GETTING PAST: I’m unsure why your sisters are insisting you apologize once more, but when I have been you, I might do it to attempt to clean issues over.
At the moment I might clarify to them about Stockholm syndrome, which typically occurs when individuals are kidnapped, held prisoner and finally start to determine with their captors. One thing related could have occurred between you and your abuser as a result of, in a way, you have been being held hostage.
DEAR ABBY: My treasured canine, “Rover,” died practically a 12 months in the past. I've grieved deeply, and really feel I've dealt with it in a wholesome means.
I now have a brand new canine, “Spot,” who has introduced new power to my residence.
I preserve a number of photos of Rover round the home, in addition to photos of Spot.
A part of me feels it’s bizarre to have photos of a deceased pet on show and that it will not be wholesome. But, I additionally really feel it’s positive, so long as it isn’t a shrine to him. Generally I cease and have a look at Rover’s photos and smile; different occasions, I really feel an ache in my abdomen and tear up. What's your tackle this?
STILL HEALING IN FLORIDA
DEAR STILL HEALING: My “take” is that though you may have moved on to a terrific diploma, you might be nonetheless grieving. Rover is a part of your historical past.
If pictures of him deliver you pleasure, proceed to show them. Nonetheless, if extra typically they make you unhappy, contemplate placing them away till extra time has elapsed since his passing.
DEAR ABBY: I need to give a financial present to some shut associates of ours earlier than we die. It’s in my will, but it surely occurred to me that they may as properly take pleasure in it now, whereas they will.
The rub is that they’re very proud and cussed and received’t allow us to “deal with” them to something.
I've given different individuals cash and made clear, “I received’t ask what you do with it nor ever point out it once more. I simply need you to take pleasure in it.”
Do you may have recommendation on whether or not I ought to do that? And, if that's the case, how? I don’t need to injury our friendship.
FRIENDLY GIFT
DEAR FRIENDLY: You might be very beneficiant. It is a query that must be mentioned along with your legal professional or accountant.
After all, once you ship the funds, there must be a letter explaining your intentions. This “switch of property” is typically achieved in households. Your authorized or monetary adviser can clarify the main points and whether or not different choices exist. Then cross your fingers and hope your lucky associates will settle for the present. Nonetheless, in the event that they don’t, don't proceed to press the problem.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.