DEAR ABBY: I’m a entrance desk clerk at a lodge the place an everyday visitor has stayed for years. We turned acquainted as we’re each retired lecturers and every have written books.
When she advised me she may now not afford to remain on the lodge, I supplied her my spare bed room to make use of once in a while, and he or she calls no less than as soon as a month to remain right here.
My husband is over it. The entire night revolves round this girl. Since I've gotten to know her higher, I've realized she’s very self-centered. She barely thanks us for her keep, though we embody her in our dinner plans and he or she eats breakfast right here as properly.
Any strategies for me, a coward, to name a halt to her inviting herself to my home for the evening?
SOFTY IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SOFTY: Sure. Stop making excuses and inform her virtually the entire fact, which is that your husband is “over it” and due to this fact she should make different plans. Interval.
DEAR ABBY: A 12 months in the past, after I found my husband’s porn movies and bare footage of his ex-girlfriends, he assured me he would delete them.
It has been a 12 months, and he nonetheless hasn’t performed it. Once I point out it, he claims he doesn’t have a look at them and doesn’t have time to delete them.
I ask him to be trustworthy with me about if he intends to maintain them, however he insists he'll delete them.
It makes me imagine he has an emotional attachment to those girls. How ought to I proceed to cope with this difficulty?
HE’S GOT A WIFE NOW
DEAR WIFE: Your husband could also be much less emotionally hooked up to the ex-girlfriends than titillated by their footage. From what you might have written, your husband isn’t being fully trustworthy with you. And that is the difficulty you need to be coping with, with the assistance of a licensed counselor, as a result of stable marriages are primarily based on belief, and there can’t be belief with out honesty.
DEAR ABBY: Our 24-year-old daughter is relationship a 28-year-old divorced man who has two children.
Her father may be very upset about it and refuses to satisfy him. The reason being the youngsters. We each assume they are going to be a burden to our daughter and she's going to finally have issues together with his ex-wife.
How can we inform her we don’t settle for him with out pushing her away or making her break up with him? She doesn’t stay with us.
SAD IN FLORIDA
DEAR SAD: At 24, your daughter is an grownup. At this level, she ought to have achieved sufficient independence to resolve — with out coercion — with whom she desires to be romantically concerned.
I don't advise refusing to satisfy the person she cares about as a result of it might be counterproductive. Kids from prior relationships don't essentially trigger issues, and never all ex-spouses fly round on brooms inflicting bother. You and your husband ought to make an effort to get to know him and, should you see pink flags afterward, level them out then.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.