DEAR ABBY: This has been a tough pandemic for all of us.
We've got all skilled the fixed concern of illness, job loss and the stress to react to these stresses in prescribed ways in which aren’t all the time straightforward. For these of us who take care of psychological well being points on the perfect of days, it has develop into an actual battle.
I've a gaggle of associates who haven't managed to do nicely by means of all of it. Earlier points multiplied, and their lives have develop into pitiable messes.
Early on within the pandemic, we tried to maintain moods up with weekly Zoom hangouts. It helped a little bit, however as a result of my psychological standing has all the time been a little bit higher than theirs, I used to be by no means a spotlight of assist.
Because the world has begun to open up, we've got been capable of see one another in particular person, and it has develop into apparent to me that I must distance myself from them to guard what I've labored so onerous to keep up. Do I owe them a proof about why I can't be with them? I fear that stating that issues aren't good would drag them down additional.
These are folks I've identified for many years, however I don’t have the vitality to behave as emotional assist for them anymore. I’d like to go away them in the perfect form I can. What ought to I say to them?
CARING FRIEND IN THE EAST
DEAR CARING FRIEND: Be much less accessible if you end up contacted. Whenever you do, your excuse must be truthful. Say you want time to your self to work by yourself psychological well being points and subsequently shall be much less accessible.
You do not need to apologize for it, nor do you have to really feel responsible for caring for your self.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 47-year-old homosexual man. I’m well-educated, however there’s one thing I can’t determine. Why do straight guys not need to be associates?
I by no means hit on them; I take pleasure in numerous the identical pastimes, like video games, engaged on automobiles, and many others. I need to be clear, however once I inform them upfront, they disappear.
Generally it will get again to me that they thought I used to be asking them on a date if I invited somebody to go to a ballgame, for instance. I've loads of feminine associates, however what I actually need is a male finest pal or, hell, only a male pal, interval.
In fact, everybody has their very own opinions on what I ought to do — “be part of a gathering, a gaggle, social actions and blah blah.” I've accomplished all of these issues, and I can’t determine what’s mistaken. I've now realized to only maintain my mouth shut and never invite anybody to do something.
Any strategies can be welcomed, however I've just about tried all the pieces, together with seeing a counselor.
CURIOUS IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR CURIOUS: The issue you’re having with straight males could also be that they're nervous about being perceived as “homosexual by affiliation” if they're pleasant with you. Some can also discover the idea of being associates with a homosexual man to be threatening.
Participating in group actions and outings is definitely a option to join with others no matter sexual orientation. Ultimately, you’ll meet folks and kind friendships. Within the meantime, respect these feminine associates of yours and ask them for some enter, too.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.